Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
