He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
