I smell stomach acid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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