Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
