i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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