my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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