Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
