Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
