He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
