I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
