I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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