Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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