My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
