The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
