Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
