its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's like heaven, but drunker
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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