what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
