So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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