I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
