Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
