As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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