im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
