is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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