he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
