do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
