Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
