He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
where are my pants?
in the oven.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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