something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How naked do you want me to be?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
