So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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