my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
