He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize