i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
