i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize