he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
