When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
