So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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