I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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