I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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