Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
