Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
