I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
