He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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