chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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