Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
