Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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