we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
