Redeem this text for a blowjob
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
