Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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