atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
