I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize