SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
