my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
