I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This couple is walking their pig around campus
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
