It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
