party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
