i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
