I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
