you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
