she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
