So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
