If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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