I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
