And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize