He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
