I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
