He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
