He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
