sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
