the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
