once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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