I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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