i think my tv is drunk
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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