At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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