I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
