Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
MIDGETS
????
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize