omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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