Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
