wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
