Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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