Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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