I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
