I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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