; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
