On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
