I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize