Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
