Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
