I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
