i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
