And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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