I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
