Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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