just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
