I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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