She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize