He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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