Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
