I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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