There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
