My nipple is on Facebook.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
