Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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