Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
